Just gonna leave this song here mmm okay bye

Remember in my previous post how I said that this was my favorite song from Frozen? Well I wasn't kidding! I felt like posting something and I didn't exactly feel like typing out a long post right now. I kid you not, if I was to ever enter a talent show, this is definitely the song I would sing if someone else wasn't singing it. Not that I can hit the high notes as good as Idina Menzel can, but I think I'm okay. It's one of those songs I just randomly start singing when I'm alone, because I feel like it, and I like singing. Disney songs are my favorites and this one is no exception.

~the Authoress

Been a long time, but now I have finally decided to post!

That was a perfect chance to use that gif and I'm not even sorry, lol. It's only too fitting in this case, I mean because I have not made a post in almost half a year or so and the one thing I am sorry for is if I worried anyone with my absence. I can assure you all I am perfectly fine, nothing is wrong with me, I just have been too caught up with other things as of late. So prepare yourselves for a super long post because I have so much to say.

I am so happy that the weather is finally warmer. Needless to say, I was shocked at how much snow we got this year, but it still didn't snow on Christmas. Sigh...I'm never gonna get a white Christmas, am I? Anyways, yeah, if you know me you know cold weather drives me crazy. If I'm out in it too long I'm bound to get cranky, same with heat. Of course then the people around me have to deal with my cranky attitude until I get into a better climate where I'm comfy. Right now I'm actually freezing because of the air vent and I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt. Now I see why my sister(13) wears a jacket when she's over here at this computer! IT'S FLIPPING COLD. Now if I stepped outside, then it would WARM. Two major differences there. Warm and cold, cold and warm. Which one do you suppose I prefer, hm?

Remember that emotional rant post I made awhile back? Pfft, sure you all do. I honestly feel bad for venting out my problems to all of you, I mean I don't want to annoy anyone or make anyone upset, but where else have I got to write my problems down in but my journal? I prefer typing more than writing. Writing is okay but gives me hand cramps....then again, my fingers get sore from typing so go figure. 

So on the subject of emotional problems...I thought I had control of myself...but I sometimes I still end up having a breakdown. It's not really often, only if I'm by myself and I start thinking about a lot of things...or if someone is bothering me...I don't know, it depends. And not only that, sometimes I end up having panic attacks. Only just last night I did! You know, since I'm a teen I worry about a lot of stuff and one of those things is dying. I was panicking so much last night my heart was racing and I was having trouble breathing. But something inside me told me to start praying, so I did. And guess what? Afterwards, I was completely calm. My heartbeat and breathing were steady again, but I was still shaking a little bit, which is perfectly normal for me when I get freaked out. Pray for me, please. I don't want to keep freaking out over something that isn't happening, it's absolutely ridiculous and I could end up harming myself if I'm not careful. I know God has a future planned for me, and I know all these fears and thoughts are not coming from Him. See, that's my problem. I'm naive at times, and at times I will end up believing something stupid. Praying...it always makes me feel better. When I know that God is with me, when I get that reassurance, I feel absolutely great and I have no problems afterwards.

Life...ah yes, a few things I should probably talk about...

School...agh, only this month and next month and I'll be done for the summer. I'm having trouble focusing but I suppose that is because I have my own laptop and I have the liberty to get online and what not. Then again, even if I'm not doing schoolwork I still have trouble paying attention to things I'm supposed to be listening to or watching. Now let's compare, let's say if my mom was trying to tell me something really important and I ended up getting distracted by something on the television. Not to say that hasn't happened before but you know what I mean.

Math has actually been surprisingly easy for me! Yes, I know, you are probably saying "Math? Easy?!", and hey, its Algebra! Well technically no, I already did Algebra and am now doing Geometry, but both aren't that difficult. I mean come on, Geometry is just shape drawing basically. No arguments there! The only issue I have is if they end up asking me a question and then I might end up getting stuck. Aaaand then sometimes I end up forgetting to do Math...so yeah.

My mom was so nice to me when it came to Biology. She has allowed me not to do any dissecting, seeing as it grosses me out. I mean I am the same girl who can watch Lord of the Rings and not be bothered when there's a battle and someone ends up losing a limb or something, but for some reason when that applies to reality I am disgusted. I do not care to poke and prod a frog's cold body with needles and other sharp tools, thank you very much. That does NOT appeal to me in the least bit. I already had to deal with that when my brother was doing biology but even I didn't hang around.

I have been doing a lot of reading lately. I'm currently in the middle of three books at the moment, but right now I'm focusing on the one that is a library book. I did manage to finish reading Catching Fire before I saw the movie, and I was pretty pleased with what the movie had to offer me. It did a good job of sticking to the book, I mean granted just like every adaptation they change things or leave something out, but other than that, it was a decent film. Right now I'm in the middle of the third book, but I needed a break from that so I went on and continued one of the many books I bought at a book fair almost two years ago. Aside from that book, I'm also reading Divergent. The movie for that just recently came out so I thought I'd give it a go. And I'm liking it somewhat. I won't have a full opinion until I'm finished of course, but that is gonna be awhile, cuz that book is thick! Okay maybe it isn't that thick but still!

If any of you have any suggestions for a book I could read, please leave them in the comments. I'm open to anything as long it doesn't have really bad language or inappropriate content.

Oh yes, speaking of Catching Fire, that isn't the only movie I've seen as of late. I just recently got to see Frozen last week, and I think maybe about last month or so I got to see Thor: The Dark World. And holy cow, I loved those movies! 

Let's start with my opinion of Frozen: Now I love Disney movies, and I really enjoyed this one! I mean really it was nearly flawless. The animation was amazing, and let's not even mention the songs. Oh man, the songs. I loved those songs so much. If I had to pick a favorite, I would probably pick Let It Go. Believe me, I loved it even before I saw the movie. I listened to it on Youtube a few times and even starting belting it out myself, hehe(guilty as charged. I take no shame in singing Disney songs!). I'm so glad that this movie won Best Soundtrack and Best Animated Feature, it totally deserved it!

Now out all of these movies I've seen recently, I'd vote Thor: The Dark World as my favorite out of 'em all. I have always been a bit of Marvel girl, I love their movies(minus the old Spiderman trilogy, I apologize in advance to anyone out there who actually likes them). Ever since I'd seen the trailer, I'd instantly known I wanted to see it, although I did have to wait a few months for it to come out on DVD. I put in that disk not knowing what to expect, and ended up liking the whole movie...well, specifically the parts with Loki in it were my favorite parts but I'm sorry, okay? I just loved his character in this one and if you saw the movie you wouldn't even have to ask me why. Most every line that he said...was so well-delivered. I kid you not, he was probably the best actor in the whole movie. Granted, the others were okay but maybe I'm just biased. 

I'll probably have to continue this post another time. I'm having trouble concentrating now because my baby sister is in the crawling stage and has now decided to come over and start bothering me.

Til the next time!

~the Authoress

This won't be a dramatic post I can assure you...

First off, thanks to those of you who left those encouraging comments on my last post. It really makes me feel a whole lot better, and reminds me that there are people out there who care about me. So again, thanks so much. I love you guys! :)

So anywho, I figure I should give you all an update on my dreary little life. The last two months have been nothing too exciting, I mean I should say the only event that has stood out to me this summer is the fact that I'm fifteen now, and that just is making me freak out, because next year I'm going to be sixteen, and the year after that seventeen, and then eighteen, and UOTHRDGJNFIRYIETJHGFBLNM,O0EOP[TRDG!?!?!? Sorry I was just having a bit of spasm there, lol. The fact that I'm growing up scares me, but it shouldn't scare me. I mean it isn't like I don't have a plan, I do have a plan. After graduating high school a couple of years from now, I'm going to go to community college and study drama/theater, and maybe a bit of creative writing on the side. And then I'll probably study the same when I'm in real college, and, get this, I already know what college I'm going to. That beats my older sis, she's graduating high school next year and she is still juggling between two schools.

Oh yeah! I did get a new expansion pack for my Sims 3 game for my birthday!!! It was just the one I requested, Generations! It's kind of a family-oriented expansion pack, adding stuff like a daycare profession, teaching the teens how to drive, afterschool activities, wedding arches, proms, graduations, etc etc etc. So yes, I have been having a lot of fun with it! But there is the fact that I have A WHOLE BUNCH of custom content in my game and so therefore it takes A LONG TIME to LOAD!!?!?! And I'm not a patient girl, rofl, but you know what I mean.

On the subject of movies I've been seen recently...hmm...I have seen quite a few, let me tell you that. Let's see....uhhh...wow. I can't really name any at the moment, but when it comes to movie trailers, I can name some of those that I've watched, specifically ones for movies that I am super pumped for! For starters:

FREAKIN THOR 2! I mean I'm not as much as the Thor fan as my little sis is, but still, this looks pretty awesome! I'm just kind of going along for the ride...because well I guess you can say I kind of have a mini crush on Loki, and I might also like the actor who plays him Tom Hiddleston, who plays him. What can I say, he's handsome and a really good actor.  Sometimes I have this thing where I like the character, or I just like the actor, or sometimes I like both of them put together. And that's it with this case. 

I've seen the first movie and read the first book of The Hunger Games franchise, so I'm making a vow to myself to read Catching Fire before I see the movie.

I admit, I'm probably most excited for this movie to come out. I absolutely enjoyed the first Hobbit movie, so I can barely contain my excitement. Oh! And I guess my little sis will be thrilled to see Legolas in this one. I know some people are getting a little mad at the director for throwing in a female elf who wasn't even in the book, but you know what...I don't care. We need more tough females in literature.

There are some other trailers I've seen but I figure I can post them another time.

As on the subject of tv shows, I'm just waiting for some of them to come back. Most of my favorite shows(e.g. Doctor Who, Once Upon a Time, Psych), are on break at the moment. And most of the finales have ended on cliffhangers, and you can just imagine that this girl ain't happy. I'm furious at the way the previous season of Grimm ended, I just...wow, I can't believe it. I would have just shot that creepy dude straight out instead of just chasing after him and ending up captured. Seriously. I'm interested to see what they do in the next season. 

So has anyone seen the little bitty teaser trailer for Once Upon a Time? Did you happen to notice a familiar redheaded mermaid in it? Yes! I'm excited to see Ariel in the next season, and secretly hoping they'll be able to fit a Rapunzel story in there somewhere.

AND ON THE SUBJECT OF DOCTOR WHO. I FINALLY KNOW THE 12TH DOCTOR IS. Seriously, I was getting really nervous and freaking out while watching that announcement on BBC. Now while I'm willing to give Peter Capaldi a chance as 12, I don't know if my younger sis is. She's probably kind of partial to young cute guys, and I can't blame her, but seriously. It's better that they have an older actor fill in the role of the Doctor for a little bit.

To end this post off, I just want to say I feel horrible for not being on lately, and I'm paying for it, seeing as I have A LOT of posts to catch up on.

~the Authoress

The post of things I need to say

I can't believe summer is almost over, and I've barely done anything, let alone attending a 4-H thing. I'm just not very happy right now. Misfortune seems to lurk in every corner for me. I wasn't able to go camp, or on vacation, and money problems just keep getting worse in my family. And money problems aren't anything new, believe me. We were okay for a couple of years, but then it started going downhill again.

Sometimes...sometimes I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I should be doing something to help instead of just sitting around. Some job. I want to help people. I want to help my own family out. But I'm only fifteen, I don't qualify for a paying job.

That's why I retreat to my imagination so much. In my imagination, I can have fun. In my imagination, I've created characters that I wish I could be myself. I've created worlds in my head, full of all sorts of crazy things. In my imagination, I can just relax and forget all about the troubles that real life has.

I remember when I was really little, I drew a picture of what I envisioned myself to be as a teenager. I had long pretty hair, I was skinny, wearing a cool outfit and makeup and earrings, and...wow. If my kid self could meet me now, I wonder what kind of questions she would ask me. She would be able to plainly see that I don't have long pretty hair, it's uncontrollable. I can't do anything with it. It gets a lot of tangles. She would be able to see I'm not that skinny. She would be able to see I'm wearing thrift store and hand me down clothing. She would see I'm not wearing makeup. She would see I'm wearing glasses now too. She would probably be very disappointed just looking at me. And that's the thing. My kid self, and the teen I am now, are two different people. It was so easy to dream and believe when I was younger. I always thought that no matter what happened, things would turn out right in the end. I always had such an upbeat attitude when I was a kid. Now...its hard to keep smiling, especially when you see how wrong the world is turning now. You're oblivious to that kind of stuff when you are younger...when you get older, you wake up to a harsh reality. You experience more problems when you are a teenager. You have all kinds of thoughts running through your head, like what if I die, what if someone in my family dies, what if people won't accept me, etc. I get those thoughts all the time, believe me.

Next topic up, I...well...sometimes...feel like killing myself. Sometimes I just wonder what I have left to live for. My family argues about stupid things sometimes, specifically its my sisters getting into cat fights. It drives me crazy. And sometimes when I mess up on a chore, or eat food I wasn't allowed to, I get fussed at like I just committed a horrible crime. Sometimes I just feel so worthless. And then I remember my talents, I remember the good things God has given me. Sure my family fights, but we forgive each other later. And when I mess up, I learn from my mistakes. I'm young. I can sing, I can act, I can write. I have potential. I shouldn't feel so down continually.

Things will get better eventually. Someday my family won't have to be worrying about money, someday we'll be able to get along awesomely, someday I'll go to college, and someday I'll meet my Prince Charming. I just have to trust in the LORD that we'll make it. Maybe I'm just being too dramatic about this.

I apologize if you didn't come here to listen to me vent out my feelings. But I feel a lot better once I get these things out in the open.


~the Authoress

I was awarded!

Awhile back, my good friend Grace at Like A Flower... awarded me and several others a blog award. Only now have I gotten around to posting it!

Here are the rules:

1.State the rules
2.Thank the awarded and link back to them
3.Must pass this award onto five others bloggers
4. .Must notify the awarded bloggers by commenting on their blogs
5.Share seven unusual things about yourself.

Seven Random Facts about me:

1. While outside myself, I act like I'm in a Disney film and just casually burst into song.
2. I've always wished I could just walk into my closet and be in another world.
3. I really love pugs and I really want to own one.
4. Whenever I get nostalgic I go on Youtube and listen to old theme songs of cartoon shows that I used to watch as a little kid, sometimes I even sing along. :)
5. Every story I've started I haven't completed yet.
6. My dream is to be cast in a Broadway production of Beauty and the Beast as Belle. Seriously, I've got nearly every song in that movie memorized. 
7. One t-shirt you can always see me wearing is my Mickey Mouse one.

I award this to:

Sarah at Welcome to Mystery
Nessíma Tavariel at Arda Nessimava
Catlover at Secret Life of a Homeschool Teen

~the Authoress

I haven't posted in forever

MORE APOLOGIES! I'm so sorry, I don't know if anyone has noticed my absence lately, but again, I'm sorry. Life has been a little crammed lately and I haven't found time to post.

Anywho, my baby sister Madelyn was born on May 1st! She's such a little cutie! Of course there have been some problems, her jaundice(idk if I spelled that right) wasn't clearing up so good and plus she was a wee bit underweight. So she was back in the hospital a week or so after being born, and was there for awhile. My mom stayed with her that whole time, so it was up to me and my sisters to keep the house tidy and to cook easy meals. Madelyn is back home now and doing ok, but she still hasn't reached ten pounds yet. That'll be something to pray about.

So due to money problems, I am most likely NOT going to camp this year. Now when my parents told me this, I was very upset. But like I said, it isn't official that I'm not going. The matter is up in the air. Unless of course some money just appears out of thin air.

But despite the camp issue, I'm determined I'm not going to have a dull summer. I've already signed up for a couple of 4-H activities, and I'm looking into getting a volunteer job at the library. There is the possibility we might be meeting up with some friends of ours, it has been a few months since we last saw them, probably in December or something. So I'm planning to be busy.

On a happy note, my birthday is coming up very shortly on the fourth of June! My fifteenth birthday! I'm getting old, lol. I can't believe it, I just can't believe that I'm growing up. Life is sneaking up on me so fast. I may be overreacting just a tad bit, but I can't help. Life was a lot easier before I had all these teenage burdens, but with the burdens come the blessings, so I'm trusting in the LORD to get me through the tough times, because being a Christian teen in these days isn't so easy.

On a down note, I would also like to say that life isn't easy as a fangirl either. I didn't feel all these unwanted emotions before. Let's see...lots of finales happened. The Once Upon a Time season finale left me an emotional wreck, but I am happy my OTP(one true pairing) is soaring again! And that OTP is Rumbelle, my friends. I have to admit, I wasn't actually so keen on that pairing when it started out, but I guess it kinda grew on me and now I ship those two with all my heart. Plus, you gotta admit those actors have fantastic chemistry with each other.

Onto the Doctor Who season finale, it answered my questions about Clara, of course I can't help but say I was a little disappointed at the resolution. I was hoping for something for awesome, but then again, I got about all the awesome I could handle with the episode. But now I'm left with more questions. And now I have to wait until November. Grrr.

Soooooooooooooooooooooo.....

My mom is trying to make me get a birthday list together, but the only that I actually really want are some more Sims 3 expansion packs. But I'm probably only getting one expansion pack as a present, I'm planning on saving my money up and buying an expansion pack myself.

Hmm...and on a last note, I think my sister's cat has gone crazy.

~the Authoress

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

Wow! I don't know how long it's been since I've posted! I'm so sorry guys, but life keeps taking my mind off this blog and I've just been trying to focus on school. I'll try updating you on some things that have been happening.

It's springtime now. I've already been through my allergy problems, sore throat, runny nose and all that. Wasn't a very enjoyable time, but at least I'm all better now. You'd think it'd be warm outside right now, well, yesterday it was quite lovely out so I spent time outside. Today the sky is all darkened and it's all wet and yucky around, so don't think I'm gonna go out today.

So...have I read any interesting books lately? Not to say I haven't. I am reading this one book, Dragonspell at the moment, but I'm no where near being done seeing as it has 50 chapters plus an epilogue. I still need to get the second book in the series so I can start that one after I'm done with the first one. I like books that have sequels, that way I'll be able to continue more of an epic story. I hate endings.

Oh yeah! PEOPLE! I have seen The Hobbit! And I've gotta say, I've forgot how much I loved adventures in Middle Earth. That was such an enjoyable film. Yeah some people complain that the CGI effects were choppy and such, but I don't really care. I loved the whole movie! It was casted perfectly and hearing that good old music again sent chills up my spine. I loved the rendition of the Misty Mountains song in the credits. I might want to get the sheet music for that on my guitar.

 I'm outshining my older sister. Why? Because I've already decided what college I'm going to and I'm only fourteen. Yeah. It's the same college my brother is at. I've been up there when me and my dad were bringing him home for spring break. It was neat seeing a campus in action. The hilarious thing that happened is when we were trying to locate my brother, my dad was on the phone trying to find out where he was, and I looked across the street and saw some guy talking on the phone while carrying a suitcase. My first thoughts "Oh he's going home for spring break too?" and then I realized "Oh wait that's my brother!". So yeah, lol. And we had lunch at a Steak and Shake. Very tasty steak burgers. I actually ordered two, but believe me, I instantly regretted it later seeing as my stomach felt like exploding. Ugh.

Anywho, I will be going to The Wilds this year. That's a summer camp up in the Blue Ridge Mountains somewhere. Normally I'd be going to the Anchorage camp, but I've been there two years in a row, so I wanted a change of pace this year. My mom also went to The Wilds when she was a teenager. Yeah, that camp has been there awhile. But they have lots of awesome stuff there! I looked on the website, and wow, they have a zip line, some huge inflatable thing that launches you into the water when someone else jumps on the other end, and lots of other things. The only downside is that I'm going in July, all by myself. My younger sister is going a discounted week in June, and my older sister is going a discounted week in August. So I'm a little nervous. But excited.

Let's see...what else is happening...oh yes. I'll be going to a friend's wedding on Saturday, and my mom's baby shower is next week.

~the Authoress